It was mentioned on another childfree blog I enjoy how much younger childfree people look (the post is here). It was really funny timing, since my husband and I were just carded at a bar in San Destin on Saturday night.
We're in Florida for a bit to puppy-sit for my husband's folks, and we decided to hit up some beachfront bars. We found one that had a great selection of mojitos (one of my favorite drinks), and sidled up to the bar. The bartender took our order (Florida wins for nicest, friendliest bartenders), then asked for ID. She was fairly sure my husband was around 22, but she was very unsure about me. I thanked her for stroking my ego and handed over my license. After a few minutes of gaping, she called her co-tender over and made her look. Then they gaped for another few minutes.
I'm almost 32. My husband is 37.
They asked my secret, and I said it was simple:
1. Good food, and lots of good fats and olive oil.
2. Lots of good wine. Lots.
3. No kids. Leads to the kind of life where you can get carded well into your 30's.
Wednesday, June 15, 2011
Tuesday, June 7, 2011
Totally Unscientific Reporting
I've been trying to be more social lately, and it gets me into some interesting conversations, especially at gay bars. As you may or may not know, lots of women like to frequent gay bars mostly meant for men. Why? For starters, you never have to worry about drunks jerks grabbing your ass. Secondly, the music is much better. And thirdly, it gives lots of women an excuse to not dress up, since they won't be in a meat-market setting (which is another rant in and of itself, but we'll leave that for now).
Once a woman is freed from the expectations of a meat-market heterosexual club, they tend to be a lot more relaxed, open, and willing to talk and have a good time. They talk about their lives, and, of course, if they have children or not. And no less than three women told me that while they loved their children, if they had the opportunity, they would definitely be childfree. Every single one said that, given the chance, they would not have their kids.
Maybe it was the vodka talking, but I can't help thinking that if we as a society encouraged women to thoroughly consider their reproductive options from a young age, young mothers wouldn't be flocking to gay bars for an escape.
Once a woman is freed from the expectations of a meat-market heterosexual club, they tend to be a lot more relaxed, open, and willing to talk and have a good time. They talk about their lives, and, of course, if they have children or not. And no less than three women told me that while they loved their children, if they had the opportunity, they would definitely be childfree. Every single one said that, given the chance, they would not have their kids.
Maybe it was the vodka talking, but I can't help thinking that if we as a society encouraged women to thoroughly consider their reproductive options from a young age, young mothers wouldn't be flocking to gay bars for an escape.
Sunday, May 8, 2011
Happy "Still Not A Mom Day"!
Yes, that's right, I'm taking it back for us CF folks. This is just a working title, but on a day when most people celebrate a "miraculous" act that anyone can do (except a man, but sperm is definitely involved), maybe we should celebrate the "miracle" of sticking to our guns in an outrageously pro-natalist society.
From a purely retail perspective, Mum's Day has become another Valentine's Day. You have to make a reservation months in advance, preferably at some really swanky restaurant for an overpriced brunch that includes a harp. Menus are often whittled down to a few specific options so the kitchens can keep up with the demand. Most of us who wouldn't put up with this on the Massacre itself gladly fork over $45 a head just to make a mom feel special.
I'm going to say here that I'm not against doing this per se, I just think it's kind of a bad idea and a lot of hassle. Fixed menus really annoy me. If you're going to spend the money to go to a nice restaurant, chances are you want the full range of options available to you. If your mother really does want to do this, then why not do it the day before, just to avoid the crowds?
And as for the entitlement-minded mummies, you get one day. Just one. The rest of the year, you really do have to live with the decisions you made, because you can't just leave them in front of Wal-Mart like a box of puppies.
From a purely retail perspective, Mum's Day has become another Valentine's Day. You have to make a reservation months in advance, preferably at some really swanky restaurant for an overpriced brunch that includes a harp. Menus are often whittled down to a few specific options so the kitchens can keep up with the demand. Most of us who wouldn't put up with this on the Massacre itself gladly fork over $45 a head just to make a mom feel special.
I'm going to say here that I'm not against doing this per se, I just think it's kind of a bad idea and a lot of hassle. Fixed menus really annoy me. If you're going to spend the money to go to a nice restaurant, chances are you want the full range of options available to you. If your mother really does want to do this, then why not do it the day before, just to avoid the crowds?
And as for the entitlement-minded mummies, you get one day. Just one. The rest of the year, you really do have to live with the decisions you made, because you can't just leave them in front of Wal-Mart like a box of puppies.
Thursday, May 5, 2011
Musings on a Moving Target
As these things happen sometimes, I found myself in the middle of a suburban Target, looking for plastic storage bins. Since this Target has three different house stuff sections around the store, this wasn't the easiest thing. But I found my bin and decided to meander through the sparkly stuff for fun. And then I saw the sign: Calypso St. Barth's for Target. And my heart went pitter-patter.
I have to confess, I'm a fashion junkie. I dress people. I have fashion magazines all over my house. My closet is filed by the Dewey Decimal System (okay, that one's not true. But the rest are). I love Target's capsule collections. It's a way for many of us to reach for a little piece of glamour, for a glimpse of the extravagant lifestyles that celebrities flaunt for tabloids. And just as the BS bandwagon was really getting revved up, reality intruded on my musing. Reality in the form of a screaming, wailing child.
There must've been some kind of temper tantrum memo I missed, because as soon as the one went, they all went. One father tried to leave his kid in the Home Improvement department (oh, the irony). One mom trailed a kid with a startlingly leaky nose through Jewelry and Accessories like a guilty conscience. And many other children were just ignored in the name of Shopping, High Lord of Retail Therapy. Just when I was seriously considering making my way over to Electronics for some earplugs, a tiny little lightbulb went off over my head. So tiny, it could've been a dollhouse lamp. But once it lit, a whole other strand of mini-lightbulbs followed, until my brain was lit up like a cynical Christmas tree (what color scheme would that be?).
See, there are certain things we're "supposed" to have in life. Nice cars and nice houses being high on the list. With kids, these things are nigh impossible. So how does one mesh the dual must-haves of our society: nice house/car with kids? Easy: Target! No one will cast snide glances at your minivan because everyone has one! Don't worry about driving to a large city for a design store, we'll do home design capsule collections right in your suburban store! Don't worry about spending a bundle, we'll make it priced so right you won't care if the kids dump grape juice on it daily! As for the car thing, well, I don't know what to do there either.
Anyway, my point is simply that most of us are prey to some vicious societal pressures, and parents are no worse off than we childfree folks. The main difference is that we often have to prove we're not the selfish, hedonistic child-haters they say we are (and what's wrong with hedonism, may I ask?), but they have to live up to some Martha-Stewart-Tim-Burton-American-Beauty suburban nightmare of family perfection, and they have to do it around short people who are more destructive than a fully clawed cat on speed. Not only do they have to have the big, beautiful house with the big, perfectly manicured lawn, but the inside has to look like something out of a lifestyle publication. In this way, I really do feel sorry for those who try to keep up the "nice house" thing, because it has to get stressful and expensive.
Going back to Target for a moment, this is really is their perfect niche: putting that unattainable dream not only within reach of hopeless fashion lovers, but aspiring suburbanites as well. They have made the aspiration towards a glamourous life (if not the achievement of it) an egalitarian pastime, fully accessible to anyone within driving distance of that red-striped box.
I guess the whole point of this is just to say that while many of us feel the societal pressures for Stuff, parents have it just that little bit worse (and that's not even counting Stuff they buy their kids, check back around Christmas for some holiday cynicism). We CF folks can pick and choose our pressures as money permits, whether it's saving for a new car, a nicer living space, or a fabled status bag. Just one more reason why "childfreely" is the best way to live.
I have to confess, I'm a fashion junkie. I dress people. I have fashion magazines all over my house. My closet is filed by the Dewey Decimal System (okay, that one's not true. But the rest are). I love Target's capsule collections. It's a way for many of us to reach for a little piece of glamour, for a glimpse of the extravagant lifestyles that celebrities flaunt for tabloids. And just as the BS bandwagon was really getting revved up, reality intruded on my musing. Reality in the form of a screaming, wailing child.
There must've been some kind of temper tantrum memo I missed, because as soon as the one went, they all went. One father tried to leave his kid in the Home Improvement department (oh, the irony). One mom trailed a kid with a startlingly leaky nose through Jewelry and Accessories like a guilty conscience. And many other children were just ignored in the name of Shopping, High Lord of Retail Therapy. Just when I was seriously considering making my way over to Electronics for some earplugs, a tiny little lightbulb went off over my head. So tiny, it could've been a dollhouse lamp. But once it lit, a whole other strand of mini-lightbulbs followed, until my brain was lit up like a cynical Christmas tree (what color scheme would that be?).
See, there are certain things we're "supposed" to have in life. Nice cars and nice houses being high on the list. With kids, these things are nigh impossible. So how does one mesh the dual must-haves of our society: nice house/car with kids? Easy: Target! No one will cast snide glances at your minivan because everyone has one! Don't worry about driving to a large city for a design store, we'll do home design capsule collections right in your suburban store! Don't worry about spending a bundle, we'll make it priced so right you won't care if the kids dump grape juice on it daily! As for the car thing, well, I don't know what to do there either.
Anyway, my point is simply that most of us are prey to some vicious societal pressures, and parents are no worse off than we childfree folks. The main difference is that we often have to prove we're not the selfish, hedonistic child-haters they say we are (and what's wrong with hedonism, may I ask?), but they have to live up to some Martha-Stewart-Tim-Burton-American-Beauty suburban nightmare of family perfection, and they have to do it around short people who are more destructive than a fully clawed cat on speed. Not only do they have to have the big, beautiful house with the big, perfectly manicured lawn, but the inside has to look like something out of a lifestyle publication. In this way, I really do feel sorry for those who try to keep up the "nice house" thing, because it has to get stressful and expensive.
Going back to Target for a moment, this is really is their perfect niche: putting that unattainable dream not only within reach of hopeless fashion lovers, but aspiring suburbanites as well. They have made the aspiration towards a glamourous life (if not the achievement of it) an egalitarian pastime, fully accessible to anyone within driving distance of that red-striped box.
I guess the whole point of this is just to say that while many of us feel the societal pressures for Stuff, parents have it just that little bit worse (and that's not even counting Stuff they buy their kids, check back around Christmas for some holiday cynicism). We CF folks can pick and choose our pressures as money permits, whether it's saving for a new car, a nicer living space, or a fabled status bag. Just one more reason why "childfreely" is the best way to live.
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